So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
