Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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