About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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