So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
