Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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