come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
