just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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