GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
