lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
