id be glad to
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
