the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
