After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
