I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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