Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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