Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
