google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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