Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
