my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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