Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
