i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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