So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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