so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
