it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
