My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
