walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
