well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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