New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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