I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
