and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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