I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
