Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
