We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
