My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
