Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
