I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
