I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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