Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
