What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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