just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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