So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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