I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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