if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
