did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
