Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How's work?
Spinning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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