There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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