you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
