Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
