Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
