Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
