Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
