problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
