How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
