I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
