if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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