Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
