I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
