I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
