i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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