so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
